My Mind Is Connected To My Mouth

I read this article today and realized I was a victim of some of the 6 thoughts that derail the mind. No wonder I am often always anxious. You can view the article here

http://www.youbeauty.com/mind/negative-thoughts?utm_source=outbrain&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=OutBrain%2BCPC&utm_term=Six-Thoughts-That-Can-Derail-Your-Mood

Key points though are:

Focus on the negative will make you gloss over the good. It’s easy to remember the bad, gloom and doom.
Making mountains out of molehills will always leave you in a bind. Blowing things out of proportion (also known as “catastrophizing”) can really get you down.
The world is not black and white, there are a lot of greys (my boyfriend says this a lot). Quit boxing yourself into a corner; there are never just 2 extreme opposing solutions to a problem, there’s always a grey alternative – think.
Control freak/micro-manager, let go of the controls just a little. This is a trust issue, I know, but it has to be done.
The battle between what you should do and what you want to do. Please yourself ever so often, you will be the happier for it.
Always feel like you have something to prove? That’s an exhausting life my friend. Take it easy. You can’t always be right. Nobody likes a know-it-all cos last time we checked, you weren’t Google. Lol

This got me thinking about how often I find myself in bad moods just by letting something tiny get to me, by over analyzing, assuming or just being fixated on something or the other. When I get like that I reach for food.

Yes, I am an emotional eater. It’s a badge, an identity; try as I might, I haven’t been able to shake off.

- Upset, I eat
- Fatigued, I eat
- Stressed, I eat
- Emotionally worked up, I eat

I know I shouldn’t eat whatever I’m putting in my mouth at that moment but I just can’t help myself. What I know and what I do at those instances is always at variance with each other. It’s no wonder I’m chubby. But I digress.

Been doing some soul search and reading up on the whole problem of emotional eating and made some discoveries about triggers of this habit.

Stress often times brings about cravings, according to the article I read stress stimulates the ‘stress hormone’ known as cortisol. High levels of cortisol can create cravings for salty and sweet foods.

Anxiety also known as nervous energy is a trigger I am very familiar with. This plays out by way of nail biting, teeth grinding or just being orally fidgety. Truth be told, I do not possess ladylike nails anymore. I have attempted to grow them out a few times by even fixing my nails but ended up eating the artificial nail when I got into a nervous fit. Yeah, that bad.

When I feel bad I eat and for me it’s my way of stuffing the pain or hurt. So, each bite of whatever if pushing down the pain so I don’t have to deal with it. I focus on the junk food I’m eating savoring every bite. Being stuffed is the aim here; the more you eat, the better you feel and you have something else to divert your annoyance to and feel bad about – the excess calories you just consumed that you will now have to torture out of your system. Food has taken the focus off of anger, resentment, fear and or anxiety. It’s a coping mechanism.

Growing up, food was often used as a reward for good behavior or good grades. Sweets, cakes and generally junk food were always handy as treats. Till date I still reward myself with a treat for good behavior. Let’s say I hit a target weight, I reward myself with ice-cream and cake because I was disciplined with my deprivation strategy. Bad move I know, but there’s no fun in rewarding yourself with carrots or health food, the bad stuff is sometimes an excellent motivator.

When I’m in a bad mood or I swing moods, I reach for food, it is my source of stability at those points but the truth is that they are not as satisfying until you are stuffed and bursting at the seams.

In The Land of Mine Enemy

Ever feel uncertain about the people who surround you? Suspicious about their comments, mannerisms, and body language? They smile with their mouths but their eyes hold just the tiniest hints of coldness? And these people are ‘supposed’ to be your friends. If you hadn't realized it yet, let me be the first to tell you that you are surrounded by backstabbers, liars and killers. Yes, I said KILLERS' and its use is deliberate.

When you know someone doesn’t like you, it's easy to label them appropriately, limit interactions and do your part in living peaceably with them as is required by law and Christianity. But in the situation where you have an enemy posing as a friend, well, you’re closer to your death hence my use of the word KILLER.

A friend by definition is someone who knows you, a confidante, an ally or pillar. We all want to be surrounded by our 'people', a crop of individuals we can rest assured have our backs at all times. A lovely notion believe me but in the question is, in reality do these types of individuals exist and if they do, do they reside within the sphere of 'our people' (friends).

AESOP says “We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction” this is true in instances where enemies masquerade as friends. As a friend they have access to your life and your secrets. They know what makes you tick and they know your habits.

Who then is an enemy? The dictionary defines it as “One who feels hatred towards, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another; a foe”. In simple terms, it is someone who does not have your interest at heart, someone who without the slightest provocations would wish you and harbor ill thoughts towards you. If the shoe fits ...

I, like most people, have had the ill fortune of having such people as ‘friends’ it was also unfortunate that I found out too late as I had been overly exposed in my disposition towards them. You are overcome with a sadness when this reality dawns on you; there’s a stabbing pain in your chest and the threat of tears – this is however dependent on the level of friendship.

Having enemies or people who do not like you is not dependent on how nice or likable you are, the slightest things can be picked on as a reason to hate or dislike you. Your niceness can be misconstrued and become the cause of animosity between individuals. So I agree with Ivan Panin who said ‘However bad a man, he will have some friends: however good, he will have some enemies’. But I would rather my enemies showed their true colors as against them masquerading as wolves in sheep clothing.

But who are we kidding really, there is no true eternal friend. Before you shoot me, look at it this way, a slighted friend is a potential enemy. Who when offended can and in most cases speak against you or use whatever they know against you. Its human nature, we tend to lash out, however minimal, at those we love when they have hurt us. Just a little revenge, that little voice inside us says. So I tend to agree with Kurt Cobain

A friend is nothing but a known enemy.

Is Jealousy Bad?

“O! beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on”
- William Shakespeare

Wikipedia defines Jealousy as: “an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy”.

Personally, I think a little bit of jealousy is good. It shows in its own way that a person cares and or dots on their partner. Jealousy for me is synonymous with likeness, love and protectiveness for the particular relationship or friendship. Some people are of the opinion that jealousy is totally uncalled for, ‘if he/she chose to stay with you, you should not sweat the small stuff, stop obsessing and enjoy the relationship’. Yeah sure, easier said than done. Trust me I have tried.

I read somewhere that jealous partners are actually the cheaters in the relationship. Their display of jealousy is an indication of their tendencies to wander. They might actually be cheating and act jealous to throw off suspicion. A bit far-fetched in my opinion but what do I know.

According to psychologists, blame it on childhood trauma. Hmmm. I don’t remember being traumatized as a kid but I do have more than one jealous bone in my body. Also, people with esteem issues, who feel inadequate, insecure, or overly dependent, tend to be more jealous than others. There is always a theory behind emotions expressed in one form or the other, if this wasn’t so, psychologist would be out of business.

Jealousy manifests sometimes due to past failed relationships or friendships - A cheating ex-boy/girlfriend, a lying ex or only child syndrome et al.

But seriously, what is wrong with a little jealousy? It’s an expression of passion. I can be territorial and possessive so the green-eyed monster will surface every time boundaries are tested or crossed. Sue me.

What I admit is wrong with jealousy is when it becomes the focus and centre of your existence. The engulfing, obsessive expression of ‘love’ which eventually leads to violence. Studies have shown that a jealous man has a higher tendency to be violent. And here I was wishing that I would find someone mildly jealous about me. Boo hoo.

Visiting the sin of the father on the son or daughter never really solves anything; it just makes your present circumstance tempestuous and uncomfortable. No one wants to be accused all the time whether justified or not. Learn to let things go and breathe. If you think he’s cheating ask; if he denies it let it go. If he tells you he cheated, cry and decide if you want to remain in there. If you find yourself snooping through your lover's pockets, or reading his e-mails on the sly, stop. This is demeaning to you Cos if you do decide to stay, remember to shelve the suspicious jealous at the door.

Getting Over Jealousy

- Identify the reason for the jealousy and deal with it
- Stop comparing – Yes she’s skinnier than you or has bigger boobs, deal with it. you have different bone structures and different origins. Something else should be working out for you – your ass or personality. Focus on that instead.
- Be realistic – Ask yourself this: Is the person a threat to you? Is being jealous helpful or detrimental to your relationship or friendship?

When all is said and done, a little caution never hurt anyone. Know when to pull the brakes and stop pushing and obsessing and interrogating. You're doing more damage when you just don't know when to stop.

Word to the wise, when in doubt, don't.

Cheers To The Freaking Weekend or NOT

Its an established fact that every social person loooooooves Fridays. Its like when the week starts everyone secretly and sometimes openly wishes for the week to end so it can be Friday and they can party, relax or do whatever people do on a Friday.

Friday for me is a day i love to hate. I am almost always at my most unproductive for the week. Nothing ever gets done as I am so relaxed that my to do list flies outta the window. I am not alone in the unproductive pool; most people tend to shut down mentally from noon on Fridays and eagerly glance at the clock ever so often for 5.30pm to come around.

For most, Friday signifies the start of the 'fun' weekend of drinking, casual or not so casual sex, rest, catch up ... the list is endless. For me it just begins the countdown till Monday when the rat race begins. Yeah I know i should focus on the good stuff but I just can't help it especially when my weekends consists of carefully scheduled activities that often fun flees the scene before I arrive.

When people talk about their lovely weeks laden with activities and 'fun' I can't help but wonder what planet i live and a little green with envy - why the bloody hell can't I have that. Another thought that crosses my mind is that they could be lying about all these fictitious fun just to get me jealous. That I can live with.

So raise your glass with me as we toast the magnificent WEEKEND; may it be everything we dreamt it would be. May your rendezvous happen according to plan and may you, unlike me, have pure unscheduled fun so that when the dreaded monday comes you can think back to the past weekend and have a reason to look forward to Friday.

The cycle continues. Have fun. (wink)