People enter into relationships of various kinds for a number of reasons. To strengthen a bond, for security, for business, to feel better et al. relationships are forged for the benefit of getting something in return.
Cascade that to what is supposed to exist between a man and woman and then you have an entirely different mix. The expectations expand by the day as well as the fundamentals. So it is a wonder that a relationship between two people who supposedly love each other is kept secret.
I have a number of theories as to why this is so
1. They are both just kidding themselves about the ‘relationship’
2. They each or one of them is not committed to the relationship and is fronting and paying lip service to the entire shenanigan
3. It’s just sex and they are confusing sex with being in a serious relationship
But seriously, how insecure do you have to be to date a guy you can’t confidently announce to your friends and family ‘that’s my man’?
In this case, the lady in question cannot be allowed that luxury as she is not sure how many of such similar relationships the guy is involved in as it was recently discovered that he had (or is having) relations with someone she calls a friend.
What to advise?
- Pack up and leave?
- Fight for what you want?
- Quit while you’re ahead but leave in a blaze of glory?
Options are to either stay, make the best of the already deteriorating situation or leave. I’m a die harder and I’m told I like pain. So I would go for wringing out every possible opportunity out of the mess before goodbyes are said. Well that’s me and we are not all built for pain.
In my opinion, the existence of a relationship is validated by the number of people eho know about it. So to you all who are deluding yourselves that you are in a relationship but its secret, your just booty call dear cos when it comes right down to it, you have not right to lay claim on your partner or God forbid you find out about a publicly acclaimed and known significant other, no one can fight your cause or speak for you cos you were just plain stupid.
I had a friend who told his girl ‘Don’t bother yourself about my relationships with other girls, focus on what we have and let’s build this’. Ha! Hilarious, right?
A word to the wise: Clarify. Be sure of what you’re doing cos there ain’t going to be enough shoulders to console you when the inevitable happens.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Three Keys to (Much) Better Decisions - Tony Schwartz - Harvard Business Review
Three Keys to (Much) Better Decisions - Tony Schwartz - Harvard Business Review
Stumbled on the post/link above and found myself nodding almost throughout the article. You should give it a read, totally worth it.
We are saddled with the responsibility of decision making every minute of the day. What to wear, what to say, how to say it, choice of words, use of make-up, choice of hairstyles, when to start a task, when to kiss ass, when to play the game of office politics and to what degree, when to throw in the towel in a relationship or at work.
The elements that lead to the decision itself is a enough to give you a headache or a heart attack depending on the pressures that abound at the moment the decision has to be made.
Take the formally leisurely act of shopping. It has become an unending episode of decision making. I go to the shop to buy a box of cereal, and i get burgled down with having to make a choice between the over 15 Kellogg's products and every other cereal manufacturer.
This happened to me just last week, I went shopping for a cereal high in fibre and i was stuck because right before was Sultana Bran, All Bran, Bran Flakes and 2 other brands i can't recall. All the boxes said they were high in fibre so i was spoiled for choice.
In my personal life I have often shied away from making decisions and tried to move the responsibility to a third party so when it turns out to have been a bad decision, I can think to myself and say "I didn't do that or it wasn't my fault". Not mature, I know and trust me not effective either.
I also have come to observe that I make the worse decisions when I am upset or hormonally imbalanced. And annoyingly, I can't take back those actions/decisions once they have been done.
Tony is right, when we calm down, breathe and think through our decisions we tend to have less actions to regret. Its easier said than done, I know that more than anyone, but it would make things a whole lot easier don't you think.
Stumbled on the post/link above and found myself nodding almost throughout the article. You should give it a read, totally worth it.
We are saddled with the responsibility of decision making every minute of the day. What to wear, what to say, how to say it, choice of words, use of make-up, choice of hairstyles, when to start a task, when to kiss ass, when to play the game of office politics and to what degree, when to throw in the towel in a relationship or at work.
The elements that lead to the decision itself is a enough to give you a headache or a heart attack depending on the pressures that abound at the moment the decision has to be made.
Take the formally leisurely act of shopping. It has become an unending episode of decision making. I go to the shop to buy a box of cereal, and i get burgled down with having to make a choice between the over 15 Kellogg's products and every other cereal manufacturer.
This happened to me just last week, I went shopping for a cereal high in fibre and i was stuck because right before was Sultana Bran, All Bran, Bran Flakes and 2 other brands i can't recall. All the boxes said they were high in fibre so i was spoiled for choice.
In my personal life I have often shied away from making decisions and tried to move the responsibility to a third party so when it turns out to have been a bad decision, I can think to myself and say "I didn't do that or it wasn't my fault". Not mature, I know and trust me not effective either.
I also have come to observe that I make the worse decisions when I am upset or hormonally imbalanced. And annoyingly, I can't take back those actions/decisions once they have been done.
Tony is right, when we calm down, breathe and think through our decisions we tend to have less actions to regret. Its easier said than done, I know that more than anyone, but it would make things a whole lot easier don't you think.
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