Is Jealousy Bad?

“O! beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on”
- William Shakespeare

Wikipedia defines Jealousy as: “an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy”.

Personally, I think a little bit of jealousy is good. It shows in its own way that a person cares and or dots on their partner. Jealousy for me is synonymous with likeness, love and protectiveness for the particular relationship or friendship. Some people are of the opinion that jealousy is totally uncalled for, ‘if he/she chose to stay with you, you should not sweat the small stuff, stop obsessing and enjoy the relationship’. Yeah sure, easier said than done. Trust me I have tried.

I read somewhere that jealous partners are actually the cheaters in the relationship. Their display of jealousy is an indication of their tendencies to wander. They might actually be cheating and act jealous to throw off suspicion. A bit far-fetched in my opinion but what do I know.

According to psychologists, blame it on childhood trauma. Hmmm. I don’t remember being traumatized as a kid but I do have more than one jealous bone in my body. Also, people with esteem issues, who feel inadequate, insecure, or overly dependent, tend to be more jealous than others. There is always a theory behind emotions expressed in one form or the other, if this wasn’t so, psychologist would be out of business.

Jealousy manifests sometimes due to past failed relationships or friendships - A cheating ex-boy/girlfriend, a lying ex or only child syndrome et al.

But seriously, what is wrong with a little jealousy? It’s an expression of passion. I can be territorial and possessive so the green-eyed monster will surface every time boundaries are tested or crossed. Sue me.

What I admit is wrong with jealousy is when it becomes the focus and centre of your existence. The engulfing, obsessive expression of ‘love’ which eventually leads to violence. Studies have shown that a jealous man has a higher tendency to be violent. And here I was wishing that I would find someone mildly jealous about me. Boo hoo.

Visiting the sin of the father on the son or daughter never really solves anything; it just makes your present circumstance tempestuous and uncomfortable. No one wants to be accused all the time whether justified or not. Learn to let things go and breathe. If you think he’s cheating ask; if he denies it let it go. If he tells you he cheated, cry and decide if you want to remain in there. If you find yourself snooping through your lover's pockets, or reading his e-mails on the sly, stop. This is demeaning to you Cos if you do decide to stay, remember to shelve the suspicious jealous at the door.

Getting Over Jealousy

- Identify the reason for the jealousy and deal with it
- Stop comparing – Yes she’s skinnier than you or has bigger boobs, deal with it. you have different bone structures and different origins. Something else should be working out for you – your ass or personality. Focus on that instead.
- Be realistic – Ask yourself this: Is the person a threat to you? Is being jealous helpful or detrimental to your relationship or friendship?

When all is said and done, a little caution never hurt anyone. Know when to pull the brakes and stop pushing and obsessing and interrogating. You're doing more damage when you just don't know when to stop.

Word to the wise, when in doubt, don't.

Cheers To The Freaking Weekend or NOT

Its an established fact that every social person loooooooves Fridays. Its like when the week starts everyone secretly and sometimes openly wishes for the week to end so it can be Friday and they can party, relax or do whatever people do on a Friday.

Friday for me is a day i love to hate. I am almost always at my most unproductive for the week. Nothing ever gets done as I am so relaxed that my to do list flies outta the window. I am not alone in the unproductive pool; most people tend to shut down mentally from noon on Fridays and eagerly glance at the clock ever so often for 5.30pm to come around.

For most, Friday signifies the start of the 'fun' weekend of drinking, casual or not so casual sex, rest, catch up ... the list is endless. For me it just begins the countdown till Monday when the rat race begins. Yeah I know i should focus on the good stuff but I just can't help it especially when my weekends consists of carefully scheduled activities that often fun flees the scene before I arrive.

When people talk about their lovely weeks laden with activities and 'fun' I can't help but wonder what planet i live and a little green with envy - why the bloody hell can't I have that. Another thought that crosses my mind is that they could be lying about all these fictitious fun just to get me jealous. That I can live with.

So raise your glass with me as we toast the magnificent WEEKEND; may it be everything we dreamt it would be. May your rendezvous happen according to plan and may you, unlike me, have pure unscheduled fun so that when the dreaded monday comes you can think back to the past weekend and have a reason to look forward to Friday.

The cycle continues. Have fun. (wink)

Fighting Temptation

You know the feeling you get when you have a new toy as a kid and all you want to do is hold it, play with it and take it everywhere your go? That's the feeling i associate with attraction. It seldom lasts long, depending on intensity, but it can be distracting and makes you feel like a kid all over ago.

Short of labeling phone numbers 'Do Not Call' it can be a harrowing experience to 'Not Call, Text or Chat' with the attractor.

Temptation is alluring and compelling, once you've caught the bug it must run it's course. Which is another thing, there's no rule book on how long these things last - a day, month, year(s), forever (sob, sob). It goes something like this picture below.

I guess it's the wondering that gets us eventually. Seriously, do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had succumbed and said 'To hell with it all. Tempt me ye Temptation'.

Uncertainty of the outcome is another thing i guess that halts us in our tracks when we are faced with temptations. Will i come out unharmed? Will I be the better for weakening? Is my heart strong enough to go all the way? The list of what ifs are endless but at some point you have to bite the bullet and decide. Sitting on the fence is not allowed. Second guessing is unattractive. Worrying will only make you age faster. Stressing about what people will think is childish (not entirely though). Just weigh the pros and cons and make a decision you're willing and able to live with for however long you're able to.

To succumb or not to succumb, that, my friend, is the Question.

EXERCISE - Yuck

Weight-loss, my Achilles heel.

I have battled with my weight for ages now. I recently looked up a pix of mine from five years ago and I was close to tears as I beheld the not so subtle transformation.

For the past 5 years I have tried all sorts of diet plans and diet pills which quite frankly were a waste of money - I'm an impatient person, if the results don't come early, I move on to something else. Its a weakness, I know but that's story for another day.

I finally stuck gold with my weight loss battle when a co-worker miraculously showed up slimmer than i recalled. It was truly magic. Slimmer waistline, smaller arms etc. I was truly green with envy. What was the secret, EXERCISE. Like seriously!!! That was the worst news ever cos as you can tell, I'm not an exercise freak. Grew up doing lots of them everyday with my mum - Jackie Genova to be exact. I can recite the entire exercise tape, that's how much of a fanatic i was back then. So, I told her to hook me up - Billy Blanks Tae Bo Flex and Flex Express turned out to do the trick.

6 months of rigorous exercise every evening after work plus protein diets, water therapy, a strict water melon diet, no bread for 2 years and I dropped a dress size. Yes, 1 dress size after 6 months. Boy was i pissed. But I loved my new figure.

2 years after that and I am back where i started from. Why? Just because i stopped EXERCISING. Annoying, I know. I did everything but the exercises - diets, calorie counting and close starvation - but i still gained the weight. I am told I have a slow metabolism this is, my body stores food like its hoarding fuel during scarcity. Boo hoo, poor me. That also means in other to stay trim and healthy I need to make exercise a lifestyle choice. I cried all day when i hard that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not lazy, its just that i am not a self motivated person and i need external forces to get me to keep at this new 'lifestyle' option.

So, I went out and registered in an expensive gym (talk about motivation) and torment myself every morning and evening for 1 hour per session. I am in constant pain, irritable most of the time and flat out exhausted at the end of the day. Yeah, I'm having soooooo much 'fun'.

Every time I get a calorie count mail or see pictures like this, I see red. Nobody tells you its bone crushing body aching mind over matter HARDWORK to make the transition from plump to slender but remarkably easy vice-versa.

I don't like being fat and right now I can't seen to find anything that I own to fit me or for that matter anything in the market that is remotely attractive (in my perspective) for a plus size lady so I guess I'm stuck on the treadmill and the stationary bike and the ab cruncher ..... You get the idea.