Them Pearly Whites

There are many ways of saying hello without saying it outright. My favorite form of hello is a smile.

A smile could mean different things and elicit different responses. For instance it could mean back off you imp, pay me another compliment cos you’re in the zone brother or I’m shy but I really like you. All you have to do is read the corresponding body language and you can tell your next course of action –fight or flee.

I love smiles. It’s an interesting pastime for me and I often find myself staring and watching people around me so I can catch a glimpse of them pearly whites and try to decipher what they just might be thinking at the moment of the smile.

Not too long ago, I found myself in a room filled with people and instead of participating in the various conversations going on around me, I picked a seclude spot and watched the smiling and scowling faces around the room. (Yes, I’m weird like that).

I could tell those who were genuinely enjoying themselves, those tolerating their companions and those who had the come hither smiles plastered on their faces (they had things other than healthy conversation on their minds).

Someone was staring at me. I was so lost in thought that I hadn’t realized I was being watched also; I felt a little embarrassed. I looked up and he didn’t look away. He walked slowly and purposely towards me all spotless and unwrinkled in his fitting white shirt (I could tell he worked out). This was a well built brother, tall, slender, a blend between white chocolate and creamy coffee – my spec.

I couldn’t believe I was blushing. Me! never would I have thought I would see the day. But there I was, bashfully smiling when he got close enough to speak. Hi, my name is Femi.

That was the last thing I heard.

Was I overwhelmed by his beauty? Swept away by his charm? Quite the opposite.

I didn’t hear a word of what he said cos of his teeth. It was a mess in there. Talk about decayed and greenish teeth. As he spoke and I cried within me at another waste of man I tried to imagine him kissing me even if it were on the wrist and I choked on my drink spilling it on myself. That way my cue to make a hasty exit and I took it.

After all said and done, It’s all in the teeth.

The Abyss

You know you’re upset when an overwhelming sadness envelops you, a huge knot forms in your chest making it difficult to breath with ease and you just want to snap at any and everyone from the least provocation.

At least that’s how a feel.

For me, there’s no greater feeling of loathing and joy all wrapped into one than at the moment when you give into the feelings of stewing anger. It’s a bitter sweet feeling that as much as I dread those moments have come to subtly welcome.

It is at those moments I am allowed to be mean and nasty; and all this can be hidden under the disguise of anger. I realize that people tend to make excuses for your behavior when you’re angry. They stay out of your way and sometimes the unpleasant ones become nice. I have come to love those moments when I can get away with anything.

My guilty pleasure at these unfortunate moments is to wallow within the soft caresses of comfort food – ice cream, chips, cake, soft drinks, chocolate, cookies – you name it. Any and every junk food forbidden to me on a normal day just seems to materialize and offer me some semblance of joy, however short lived.

I have long since mastered emotional eating - the act of stuffing your feelings down with food; I eat feel guilty and then punish my body and mind – my body is tormented by an exercise instructor for over 1 hour afterwards and my mind is tortured with accusation and reproach afterwards. Why then do I keep doing this to myself you might wonder. Why give into the forceful gripping hands of anger and self pity?

Why the hell not?

Because I’m human. Because unlike, you I have failed to master my emotions. Because, I am tired and I need to cut myself a break sometimes. Because maybe I just want to indulge in the excesses of junk food that I don’t normally allow myself. Because I am a troubled soul and can only understand the abyss that is self pity.

Just because …

Happy Work Anniversary

Today I woke early and it felt like a good day. A good day for me doesn't come always so i cherish those rare moments when from the moment your feet hits the ground you can say 'Today Is Going To Be a Good Day'.

It was spectacular in a big way but thankfully the day sprinted to a close just when I thought I was about to lose my cool. I was screamed at at work but surprisingly smiled all through the ordeal - I can't remember ever being so calm in similar situations. Maybe I'm high on life?

It made me wonder though how long one should to continue to swallow crap all in the name of paid employment.

Today marks another anniversary in the grind and I find myself asking 'What the hell am i still doing here?' Is it the fear of the unknown that keeps me so rooted or I just haven't realized how much i love it here?


Today was a good day, I hope I can say the same about tomorrow.

The Grind Called Work

Its upsetting to know that you work your whole life fulfilling someone else's dreams but never have the time to build and live your dream.

This activity called work is so time consuming that if we do not give ourselves room for pause, when the final moments come we just might have nothing to show for the days and years spent here.

We built your dream, who gets to build ours?

Abeg, Live Your Life

It seems like those who pamper their lives die faster. My Italian friend, a chain smoker, does not heed that warning on cigarette packs - that smokers are liable to die young. "The man who wrote that warning," he tells me, "was writing it with the right hand and smoking with the left." And he is approaching 80, this smoker!

We're more likely to lose the things we cherish to save. The young girl with an unwanted pregnancy never has miscarriage. The married woman pregnant after years of waiting risks losing it if she laughs too hard. Life is like that.

The rough guy in school who hardly read his books, who was written off for being too adventurous and reckless, is the owner of that new bubbling firm. Among his workers are the erstwhile efficos in class. Life is like that.

Back then in the village, one young man used to chase snakes wherever he saw them. His bravery was too risky. The animals appeared to have developed a biological alert for his presence, fleeing from his trouble whenever. Yet they routed their revenge towards his colleague who feared them, and once planted venom in his veins.

The mad man lives longer by rotten food. The wayward girl marries the most eligible bachelor in the neighborhood, while her "virtuous" peers sometimes wait longer. The Casanova wins the best girls. Life is like that.

Even Christ said it, that he who saves his life shall lose it!

Point is: there is no absolute rule or formula in life. One man advances by discretion; another, by indifference, and both can reach the same goal. Live your life!
Immanuel James Ibe-Anyanwu