Is Jealousy Bad?

“O! beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on”
- William Shakespeare

Wikipedia defines Jealousy as: “an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy”.

Personally, I think a little bit of jealousy is good. It shows in its own way that a person cares and or dots on their partner. Jealousy for me is synonymous with likeness, love and protectiveness for the particular relationship or friendship. Some people are of the opinion that jealousy is totally uncalled for, ‘if he/she chose to stay with you, you should not sweat the small stuff, stop obsessing and enjoy the relationship’. Yeah sure, easier said than done. Trust me I have tried.

I read somewhere that jealous partners are actually the cheaters in the relationship. Their display of jealousy is an indication of their tendencies to wander. They might actually be cheating and act jealous to throw off suspicion. A bit far-fetched in my opinion but what do I know.

According to psychologists, blame it on childhood trauma. Hmmm. I don’t remember being traumatized as a kid but I do have more than one jealous bone in my body. Also, people with esteem issues, who feel inadequate, insecure, or overly dependent, tend to be more jealous than others. There is always a theory behind emotions expressed in one form or the other, if this wasn’t so, psychologist would be out of business.

Jealousy manifests sometimes due to past failed relationships or friendships - A cheating ex-boy/girlfriend, a lying ex or only child syndrome et al.

But seriously, what is wrong with a little jealousy? It’s an expression of passion. I can be territorial and possessive so the green-eyed monster will surface every time boundaries are tested or crossed. Sue me.

What I admit is wrong with jealousy is when it becomes the focus and centre of your existence. The engulfing, obsessive expression of ‘love’ which eventually leads to violence. Studies have shown that a jealous man has a higher tendency to be violent. And here I was wishing that I would find someone mildly jealous about me. Boo hoo.

Visiting the sin of the father on the son or daughter never really solves anything; it just makes your present circumstance tempestuous and uncomfortable. No one wants to be accused all the time whether justified or not. Learn to let things go and breathe. If you think he’s cheating ask; if he denies it let it go. If he tells you he cheated, cry and decide if you want to remain in there. If you find yourself snooping through your lover's pockets, or reading his e-mails on the sly, stop. This is demeaning to you Cos if you do decide to stay, remember to shelve the suspicious jealous at the door.

Getting Over Jealousy

- Identify the reason for the jealousy and deal with it
- Stop comparing – Yes she’s skinnier than you or has bigger boobs, deal with it. you have different bone structures and different origins. Something else should be working out for you – your ass or personality. Focus on that instead.
- Be realistic – Ask yourself this: Is the person a threat to you? Is being jealous helpful or detrimental to your relationship or friendship?

When all is said and done, a little caution never hurt anyone. Know when to pull the brakes and stop pushing and obsessing and interrogating. You're doing more damage when you just don't know when to stop.

Word to the wise, when in doubt, don't.