I Beg To Apply

I beg to apply.

That was the opening line of my first series of application letters I sent out upon leaving school in 2005. Thinking back now, I shouldn’t have begged.

It’s upsetting the way employers treat their staff. Everything said or done is with the tone of condescension. Just because I begged to apply.

You may say I’m being ungrateful. These were the people who gave you a chance to shine, grow and strut your stuff, ‘rolling my eyes in disdain’. They may have done all that but it doesn’t mean I should forever be reminded of it or play the benevolent slave – just because …

I’m upset and tired.

Tired of being made to look like a fool. I am intelligent; I might not have graduated with a First Class like all the pompous private university snubs they treat like descendants from heaven and are handled with kid gloves; but I know stuff. I won’t bore you with the woes surrounding my descent to a second class cos everyone has a story, but I digress.

Just because I chose to ‘beg’ to apply doesn’t mean I must remain in a subservient state forever? Or does it?

The average employer derives some level of joy from talking down at you, making you feel less than significant, or just downright humiliating before your peers. You can’t really hold it against them cos as my mum says ‘Who begged you to apply? If you can’t take it, quit.’

It’s easier said than done. Trust me, I speak from experience. Have you ever been so mad that you have walked to your desk, typed out your resignation letter and just before you print it, the blinding rage stops and reason kicks in. the voice of reason kicks in and begins to reel out to you the consequences of your rash action. Questions like

- How would you fuel your car?
- How long can you survive on your savings?
- What would your family say?
- What would you do till you found another job?
- What if this is it and you never find another job?

The list is endless. But the fear gets you in the end.

I have never been livid with such blinding rage nor gotten to the point described above, but I have friends and colleagues who have. One friend actually defied the voice of reason and went on to resign. Her outcome is another story.

I am upset. Upset that I am more afraid of the consequences of my decision to stay, than the long term outcome of the bitterness and anger that festers in my heart – my blood pressure mounts daily yet I bite down hard and swallow.

Why am I such a coward?

The truth is, there are no perfect jobs, bosses or colleagues; whatever you are running from, might just be waiting for you at the next job you take up. It might even be worse, you just never know. (Voice of reason)

But when it comes to office working conditions, ‘May The Odds Ever Be In Your Favor’ (I borrow from Hunger Games).

Looking back, I wish I didn’t beg to apply. Who knows if I had boldly applied I wouldn’t be ranting right now.

If I beg to resign would they beg me to stay?

I wonder?