Passenger 47E

So I just got back from a trip and I had the misfortune of seating beside a sleeper and a farter. I have no problems with a sleeping seat partner, but dude; did you have to expose me to the horrible mixes that were your meal earlier in the day? Gosh!

You all know I’m a planner. I don’t like to be taken unawares and as much as possible try to make everything conform to my wishes and desires. The one thing I hate the most after boiled beans is flying. I don’t hate flying because it is the surest way to die as the odds of surviving a plane crash is not good. No, I hate flying because in the words of Forrest Gump “Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you’re gonna get”. And in this instance chocolate is code for seat partner.

You hear a lot of experiences from frequent fliers; hits (kindled friendships on board the aircraft) and misses (noisy and irritating passengers with ulterior motives) and the stories in-between. As much as I secretly crave adventure, I try to avoid falling into either category so I bury my head in a book and movies if flight time exceeds 2-hours.

Generally, I haven’t had good experiences when flying. I once had the misfortune of sitting beside a man who smelt like a he-goat. Boy, was that smell foul; I still feel sick in the stomach every time I remember that plane ride (excuse me while I vomit).

I’m back.

Luckily for me, I had an atomizer and sniffed on my perfume for the 3-hour flight. I was high on j’adore when we landed. That experience taught me to always expect the worse when flying.

So there I was in yet another flight seated to a farter with his ass pointed in my direction. Lord have mercy! I was angry, so waited till he was awake, positioned my ass towards him and released a silent bomb, looked at him while smiling sweetly and said ‘I am just returning the favor, hope you enjoy mine as much as I ‘enjoyed’ yours’.

Then I went to sleep.

#Inyourface!