Tribute To Zukkie

Haunted by your memories and scarred by the pain but I know that one day we will dance together in the rain above the clouds not bound by space nor time.

Forever in our hearts.

Signed: The Fantastic Four

The Act of Letting Go

Life is fleeting so is love. 

We form attachments so easily and sometimes place an enormous amount of value on these attachments that sometimes become our undoing.

Where is all this coming from you ask? What’s the sordid experience that led to this piece, you may ask? The truth is there were several stories that inspired this piece. 

 Gloria, the gullible lady so blinded by love that she was blind to the lies that were her truth. Public humiliation at the hands of her ‘love’ after years of devotion, sacrifice and commitment. 

Cynthia, the idiot who accepted her cheating partner who after years of stomaching the atrocities still got left at the altar. 

Or Michael, the lovesick puppy who funded his girlfriend through school and supported her family for years only to be told that he was not good enough when a ‘better’ package came along.

Countless incidents of scared and mistreated lovers who are genuinely nice people but got rail rolled by this thing called love.  Leaving behind bitter and cynical shells. *Deep sigh*

Love's a powerful emotion. It is so strong it can change your life forever. It has the ability to make or mar us should we let it get out of hand. Love is dangerous. Love is liberating. For those who have tasted the liberating power of love, they will tell you it is empowering and life giving. It makes them want to break into song and dance at the littlest provocation. Some can pinpoint the exact moment they knew their life changed forever and that moment was a love moment.

For those who have been burnt by the engulfing flames of love, theirs is a different tale. To them, love is a sickness of the mind; it consists of several moments of madness that when stringed together, creates a picture of an insane person needing incarceration in a mental institute. 

For these insane lovers, sanity can be restored at the moment of release. That one moment of clarity when you look back and catch a glimpse of the train wreck behind you; look down and see how hard you are clutching, and  desperately too, to an illusion and then realize that the thing you so desperately tried to preserve was never worth the cost. Why waste your time reliving the past or beating yourself up for failures that were never entirely your fault?

Just before clarity vanishes you come to a realization that all you have to do is breath, unclench your fists and just let go. Yes, let go. Don’t you know that they were never good enough for you?

Let go of the fear, the sadness, the self-loathing, the anxiety and just breath. Communicate with your future self and let them tell you that you'll be just fine.  As long as you let go, breathe and take it one day at a time.

There is no fear in love.

And yes you can live without this person. Trust me, you can.

 

 

In All Honesty

“Your boyfriend is cheating on you and using you for your money”.
I got slapped. And called a home wrecker.

Yep that’s what I got for my honesty.

We live in a world where honesty is a little overrated. No one wants to hear the truth anymore even if it’s staring them in the face.

I read somewhere today that people appreciate honesty. Tell that to the person who bruised my cheek (Ouch). In my opinion, deep down, people appreciate honesty but often times interpret honesty as criticism especially when they know you are actually speaking the truth. No one likes to be wrong which further makes honesty uncomfortable to swallow.

What then is the right way to be honest? Is there really an appropriate honesty filter or process that can be followed step by step so as to elicit the ‘right’ response of acceptance, non-violence or slight? If you do have such a mode, I would be happy to watch you deliver honest truths and observe as the chips fall where they may.
My new policy is to bite my tongue and keep my comments and honest opinions to myself. I know he’s cheating on you – I pretend I didn’t see him; she’s toying with your emotions – I have no opinion on your relationship; I have no say in your matter but I can offer a shoulder to cry on if and when things fall apart.

In the minds of some I might not be a good friend but I have learnt from experience that as much as we advocate honesty we really don’t want to hear it.

I was once in an ‘honest’ relationship. We agreed to tell each other everything no matter what but when push came to shove honesty became the beginning of the end. He cheated and grudgingly but honestly came clean and I was fine. I kissed someone else and also came clean but I never heard the end of it.

You see, honesty in theory is a fantastic concept but the application thereof is something else entirely. We are humans wired differently from experiences that have shaped our lives. So honesty to each person is relative to his/her defense mechanism – all my opinion though.

Proverbs 27:9 says the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense, the word friend also is relative.

In dispensing honest truths, motives or perceived motives are also examined. As with the slap I received from telling my friend the home truth, my motives were misinterpreted.

I know my friend believed me but as many other people, she chose to hold on desperately to the lie that had become her reality. I should have realized that and let things be as my honesty was going to deny her the pseudo-happiness she enjoyed. Honesty in this case would be stating the very obvious.
Henceforth, I’d keep my mouth shut and let time do the unveiling. Time would also do the healing.