In All Honesty

“Your boyfriend is cheating on you and using you for your money”.
I got slapped. And called a home wrecker.

Yep that’s what I got for my honesty.

We live in a world where honesty is a little overrated. No one wants to hear the truth anymore even if it’s staring them in the face.

I read somewhere today that people appreciate honesty. Tell that to the person who bruised my cheek (Ouch). In my opinion, deep down, people appreciate honesty but often times interpret honesty as criticism especially when they know you are actually speaking the truth. No one likes to be wrong which further makes honesty uncomfortable to swallow.

What then is the right way to be honest? Is there really an appropriate honesty filter or process that can be followed step by step so as to elicit the ‘right’ response of acceptance, non-violence or slight? If you do have such a mode, I would be happy to watch you deliver honest truths and observe as the chips fall where they may.
My new policy is to bite my tongue and keep my comments and honest opinions to myself. I know he’s cheating on you – I pretend I didn’t see him; she’s toying with your emotions – I have no opinion on your relationship; I have no say in your matter but I can offer a shoulder to cry on if and when things fall apart.

In the minds of some I might not be a good friend but I have learnt from experience that as much as we advocate honesty we really don’t want to hear it.

I was once in an ‘honest’ relationship. We agreed to tell each other everything no matter what but when push came to shove honesty became the beginning of the end. He cheated and grudgingly but honestly came clean and I was fine. I kissed someone else and also came clean but I never heard the end of it.

You see, honesty in theory is a fantastic concept but the application thereof is something else entirely. We are humans wired differently from experiences that have shaped our lives. So honesty to each person is relative to his/her defense mechanism – all my opinion though.

Proverbs 27:9 says the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense, the word friend also is relative.

In dispensing honest truths, motives or perceived motives are also examined. As with the slap I received from telling my friend the home truth, my motives were misinterpreted.

I know my friend believed me but as many other people, she chose to hold on desperately to the lie that had become her reality. I should have realized that and let things be as my honesty was going to deny her the pseudo-happiness she enjoyed. Honesty in this case would be stating the very obvious.
Henceforth, I’d keep my mouth shut and let time do the unveiling. Time would also do the healing.

In The Land of Mine Enemy

Ever feel uncertain about the people who surround you? Suspicious about their comments, mannerisms, and body language? They smile with their mouths but their eyes hold just the tiniest hints of coldness? And these people are ‘supposed’ to be your friends. If you hadn't realized it yet, let me be the first to tell you that you are surrounded by backstabbers, liars and killers. Yes, I said KILLERS' and its use is deliberate.

When you know someone doesn’t like you, it's easy to label them appropriately, limit interactions and do your part in living peaceably with them as is required by law and Christianity. But in the situation where you have an enemy posing as a friend, well, you’re closer to your death hence my use of the word KILLER.

A friend by definition is someone who knows you, a confidante, an ally or pillar. We all want to be surrounded by our 'people', a crop of individuals we can rest assured have our backs at all times. A lovely notion believe me but in the question is, in reality do these types of individuals exist and if they do, do they reside within the sphere of 'our people' (friends).

AESOP says “We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction” this is true in instances where enemies masquerade as friends. As a friend they have access to your life and your secrets. They know what makes you tick and they know your habits.

Who then is an enemy? The dictionary defines it as “One who feels hatred towards, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another; a foe”. In simple terms, it is someone who does not have your interest at heart, someone who without the slightest provocations would wish you and harbor ill thoughts towards you. If the shoe fits ...

I, like most people, have had the ill fortune of having such people as ‘friends’ it was also unfortunate that I found out too late as I had been overly exposed in my disposition towards them. You are overcome with a sadness when this reality dawns on you; there’s a stabbing pain in your chest and the threat of tears – this is however dependent on the level of friendship.

Having enemies or people who do not like you is not dependent on how nice or likable you are, the slightest things can be picked on as a reason to hate or dislike you. Your niceness can be misconstrued and become the cause of animosity between individuals. So I agree with Ivan Panin who said ‘However bad a man, he will have some friends: however good, he will have some enemies’. But I would rather my enemies showed their true colors as against them masquerading as wolves in sheep clothing.

But who are we kidding really, there is no true eternal friend. Before you shoot me, look at it this way, a slighted friend is a potential enemy. Who when offended can and in most cases speak against you or use whatever they know against you. Its human nature, we tend to lash out, however minimal, at those we love when they have hurt us. Just a little revenge, that little voice inside us says. So I tend to agree with Kurt Cobain

A friend is nothing but a known enemy.