In All Honesty

“Your boyfriend is cheating on you and using you for your money”.
I got slapped. And called a home wrecker.

Yep that’s what I got for my honesty.

We live in a world where honesty is a little overrated. No one wants to hear the truth anymore even if it’s staring them in the face.

I read somewhere today that people appreciate honesty. Tell that to the person who bruised my cheek (Ouch). In my opinion, deep down, people appreciate honesty but often times interpret honesty as criticism especially when they know you are actually speaking the truth. No one likes to be wrong which further makes honesty uncomfortable to swallow.

What then is the right way to be honest? Is there really an appropriate honesty filter or process that can be followed step by step so as to elicit the ‘right’ response of acceptance, non-violence or slight? If you do have such a mode, I would be happy to watch you deliver honest truths and observe as the chips fall where they may.
My new policy is to bite my tongue and keep my comments and honest opinions to myself. I know he’s cheating on you – I pretend I didn’t see him; she’s toying with your emotions – I have no opinion on your relationship; I have no say in your matter but I can offer a shoulder to cry on if and when things fall apart.

In the minds of some I might not be a good friend but I have learnt from experience that as much as we advocate honesty we really don’t want to hear it.

I was once in an ‘honest’ relationship. We agreed to tell each other everything no matter what but when push came to shove honesty became the beginning of the end. He cheated and grudgingly but honestly came clean and I was fine. I kissed someone else and also came clean but I never heard the end of it.

You see, honesty in theory is a fantastic concept but the application thereof is something else entirely. We are humans wired differently from experiences that have shaped our lives. So honesty to each person is relative to his/her defense mechanism – all my opinion though.

Proverbs 27:9 says the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense, the word friend also is relative.

In dispensing honest truths, motives or perceived motives are also examined. As with the slap I received from telling my friend the home truth, my motives were misinterpreted.

I know my friend believed me but as many other people, she chose to hold on desperately to the lie that had become her reality. I should have realized that and let things be as my honesty was going to deny her the pseudo-happiness she enjoyed. Honesty in this case would be stating the very obvious.
Henceforth, I’d keep my mouth shut and let time do the unveiling. Time would also do the healing.