Everything Happens For a Reason

I have not been a happy person.

I am not the type to wake up singing ‘I gat a feeling, that today’s gonna be a great day’. I don’t sing in the rain and don’t see the glass half full. You want sweetness and overflowing delight, move over to the lady in the adjourning cubicle, she’s your woman.

I work with plans and schedules. Everything has its place and must at all cost stick to the schedule I have created. No room for accidents, mishaps or incidentals. Everything must wait its turn.

Yep, I’m a planner.

So it was with great annoyance that my month of September was spent running from pillar to post, putting out fires and dealing with unplanned situations. It all started with the birth of my sister’s baby.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my sister and her kids but the baby coming disrupted my careful planning. Her birth meant my mum moved out and into her home, taking with her all the luxurious advantages of living with a parent. In simple terms, I became the responsible adult I wasn’t planning to be, at least not yet.

1. I had to run my family home for 2 months. No financial assistance from anywhere which was a major strain on my finances
2. My laptop suddenly packed up and I had to purchase another one cos I had school work to do
3. My leave was shortened and postponed (aaaargh)
4. My car battery died, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. Talk about perfect timing!!!
5. The steering rack of my car began to act up. Money, Money, Money
6. My front tires began leaking arbitrarily so ….
7. And finally, my side mirror was totally annihilated 2 days ago.

Yeah, it’s been a financially tasking month. And I am so glad it’s over.

The month of July gave me a ton of heartache and tears but my September left a major dent in my wallet.

My colleagues and friends say I should look at the bright side, I’m alive, I have the funds to solve all the problems that have arisen thus far and I should be thankful.

Hmmmmmm. Be grateful right? It could have been worse, I know, but what happens to the plans I made prior to the nuisance of this September?
Wake me up when September ends. Wishing October brings back my smile, my mood and my lost joy.

Happy October

The Myth Of The Single Woman

I saw this writeup online and couldn't resist the urge to share. Enjoy



By Carolina Gonzalez,

As I walk into public spaces I can feel their cold penetrating stares. They pull their men closer and tighter as I walk by, uncomfortable by my mere presence. His girlfriend greets my unavailable female friend but does not acknowledge my presence.

A couple leaves my building as I enter. The woman’s husband is nice enough to hold the door open for me and for her. As I continue walking I overhear her scold him for having held the door open for me as if his act of kindness were anything more.

I have lost track of how many times I’ve noticed that my presence as a single woman changes not only the dynamics in a room but also the dynamics in once sound personal relationships. As I get older and remain single, these behaviors become more painfully obvious and increasingly uncomfortable.

So often in our culture single women are portrayed as weak, needy, and even crazed. Movies like He’s Just Not That Into You send implicit messages that single women must change in order to find love and happiness, acceptance.

There are at least two things wrong with these messages: happiness is not to be sought or attained through relationships and being a single woman does not mean that you are incomplete or lacking the attributes that pop culture tells us will magically make men fall head over heels.

Being single is not a contagious disease that requires curing and is not synonymous with being flawed or incapable of loving or being loved. I am not crazy, mentally unstable, cold-hearted, or a stage-five clinger.

Don’t read too much into my singleness. It does not define who I am or who I’m capable of being. And while I may occasionally succumb to moments of weakness (after all, what woman didn’t grow up bombarded with stories of prince charmings and happily ever afters), I do not spend my nights crying into tubs of Ben and Jerry’s, feeling sorry about my Facebook relationship status or lack thereof.

Please do not mistake being single with being desperate or broken. Often, as in the case of the most fiercely single women I know, it is a choice. I remain single, because I have yet to find the right guy. I am not a tortured soul with a heart in need of mending by someone else’s man or any man for that matter.

Please don’t try to set me up with your drug-dealing cousin Tito, your friend Mickey (you know, the ‘club promoter’ with corn rows), or the overly eager cashier at the carnicería. Just because you think anyone is better than no one, doesn’t mean I do. Instead, think of me as highly as you think of yourself. Be picky on my behalf.

Lastly, and most importantly, please do not equate my single status with having low moral standards. Simply because I am friends with your man or because he holds a door open for me does not mean I’m secretly in love with him, trying to steal him, or purposely out to get you. I’m single, but not conniving. I’m young, but too old to play games. And I certainly do not want, need, or deserve your ‘sloppy seconds’.

Be Grateful

I’ve been reading and hearing a lot about gratitude. All the materials sound alike.

- Everything happens for a reason
- Appreciate the things you have now in anticipation of the things you want
- Smile
- Consider others
- Being thankful now opens doors

It goes on and on about being thankful but no one talks about how difficult, this seemingly easy attitude is. As humans we are naturally programmed to whine about the things that didn’t go right, the things that should’ve been ours and the things we want but cannot afford or have. It’s easier to remember the missing elements than to appreciate the things we have that are right before our eyes. They always seem to be insignificant or we just take them for granted.

In all honesty, as much as I want to focus on the things I have now I can’t help but be a little peeved about the things I don’t yet have. That significant career move I have dreamed of for so long; or that jeep glittering in the sun; or the hot intelligent guy that’s gaga for me (LOL) etcetera and so forth. But daily I strive to be a little more content and appreciative of the things I do have as opposed to the things I don’t yet have.

I was thinking today about the little things that we take for granted and it struck me that it’s the little ‘unimportant’ things that we have that we should be abundantly grateful for.

I woke up this morning at 5.15am, swung my leg off the bed put on my exercise gear and sweated it out for 30minutes. Took a shower, dressed up after trying 3 different outfits, got into my car and drove to work hassle free while I shook my head pitifully at the poor motor owners who were pulled over by Policemen, LASTMA and Road Safety officials respectively. I got to work ahead of resumption time - no stress, not wahala, no fuss. I have it good I must say, compared to some people but yet I find some reason to complain.

What’s my point, you might be asking? My point is, someone else did not wake up this morning or woke up and discovered she couldn’t move. I have heard stories and seen a few also of people who died on their way to work – crushed underneath the tyre of a trailer, people who because of LASTMA got to work late today and got a query and salary deduction. Someone who does not have a closet full of cloths and deciding what to wear to work is a no brainer.

In church last night someone shared a testimony about her mum who was in an accident but survived with scars on her face while the other passenger died. I think the lady who died would’ve welcomed the option of living with a scarred face instead of death.

I am a complainer, a worrier, prone to anxiety attacks just because I need things to go well. I am learning everyday to appreciate the little things, the gift of life, the value of friendships and the bond of family. In the end, it’s the small stuff that really matters.

So when you feel that whine creeping up your lips, shove it back down and instead, focus on the things you do have – you are alive and that should count for something.

Be grateful. It could’ve been worse.