Everything Happens For a Reason

I have not been a happy person.

I am not the type to wake up singing ‘I gat a feeling, that today’s gonna be a great day’. I don’t sing in the rain and don’t see the glass half full. You want sweetness and overflowing delight, move over to the lady in the adjourning cubicle, she’s your woman.

I work with plans and schedules. Everything has its place and must at all cost stick to the schedule I have created. No room for accidents, mishaps or incidentals. Everything must wait its turn.

Yep, I’m a planner.

So it was with great annoyance that my month of September was spent running from pillar to post, putting out fires and dealing with unplanned situations. It all started with the birth of my sister’s baby.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my sister and her kids but the baby coming disrupted my careful planning. Her birth meant my mum moved out and into her home, taking with her all the luxurious advantages of living with a parent. In simple terms, I became the responsible adult I wasn’t planning to be, at least not yet.

1. I had to run my family home for 2 months. No financial assistance from anywhere which was a major strain on my finances
2. My laptop suddenly packed up and I had to purchase another one cos I had school work to do
3. My leave was shortened and postponed (aaaargh)
4. My car battery died, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. Talk about perfect timing!!!
5. The steering rack of my car began to act up. Money, Money, Money
6. My front tires began leaking arbitrarily so ….
7. And finally, my side mirror was totally annihilated 2 days ago.

Yeah, it’s been a financially tasking month. And I am so glad it’s over.

The month of July gave me a ton of heartache and tears but my September left a major dent in my wallet.

My colleagues and friends say I should look at the bright side, I’m alive, I have the funds to solve all the problems that have arisen thus far and I should be thankful.

Hmmmmmm. Be grateful right? It could have been worse, I know, but what happens to the plans I made prior to the nuisance of this September?
Wake me up when September ends. Wishing October brings back my smile, my mood and my lost joy.

Happy October

A SONG FOR JULY

Another month has ended.
Another chapter closed.
Dreams and plans upended.
Hopes quashed or relived.

I’m thankful for the little things
The medium and big things too;
The weird twists my life has made within these 30 days.

I should be sad and bitter
I should be hurt and closed
If only you knew what I have seen
You’d shrug and hold me close.

I’ve sighed, I’ve cried,
I’ve lied, I’ve died
In more ways than one;
But through it all up right I stand and still refuse to cower

It’s not my strength nor is it my will
That keeps me moving on
It’s just God’s grace I can’t erase no matter how I fall

A few true friends, a few close mates
Keep pushing me each day
To see the best and receive God’s grace
With every passing day.

July is gone, today it ends
I’m glad to see you go
And I hope and pray to find God’s grace
As August bids Welcome

Adious, Sayanara, Au Revoir

I hate goodbyes.

They always leave you with an empty feeling on your insides. at that instant your mind flashes back to all saved memories you have shared with that person - its the equivalent of your life flashing before your eyes. The good, the bad and the ugly all rolled up into one moment.

Its a bitter sweet feeling because as much as you will miss that person it is all for the good that they have to live - a damned if you do damned if you don't moment. There's a certain sadness attributed to some goodbyes cos in most cases you have that strong sense that this will be the last time you will see, be close, be familiar with this person. Its a sinking feeling that all you have are memories, that with time will fade or be eroded by this play called LIFE.

I hate goodbyes.

They say 20 friends cannot play together for 20 years; that may be true but when the play ends all 20 of them wish the games could have continued. When the numbers become 2 left on the playing field, the absence of the lost 18 become obvious. You may be saying to yourself, change the game or the field but the truth is memories were created on that field and within that game, its easier said than done.

We all meet to part and part to meet again someday, my prayer is that when we do meet again that it be for the better, that the memories remain and should we part once more sometime in the future, that it still leaves us with a bitter sweet feeling cos then we will know that we have really made an impact on the others' life.

Goodbyes suck but I say it anyway, Goodbye and Goodluck.

The End Of It All

I think about death sometimes. The finality of it; it’s the end of life as you know it, no more opportunities to re-right a wrong or show love to someone neglected or forgive a wrong or just have a simple conversation.

When I think about how casually we say ‘see you tomorrow’ or ‘goodnight’, I wonder how sure we all are that we will indeed see each other tomorrow; if tomorrow indeed ever comes.

I know its morbid thinking like this but I didn’t appreciate the words see you later or tomorrow until November last year, 2011. I lost my brother in November 2011, 11-11-11 has a new meaning to me cos that was the day I walked into the hospital and saw his cold lifeless body on the hospital bed with tubes sticking out of his body. I still see him when I close my eyes sometimes. He was 27 years old. The image above were his farewell message to a friend some days before he was hospitalized.

I guess for me it was a wake-up call for me cos I am always busy – with school work and office work. I hardly have time for anything else. You guessed, I’m single and I have a demanding job that requires me to be everything to everyone.

When he was in the hospital, I was shuttling work and preparing for my exams. I was there but wasn’t really there. I guess that’s what gets me more, the fact that I took for granted that he was recovering and would soon be discharged that I went on with life as usual, juggled things around to accommodate visits to the hospital. Boy was I wrong.

Had I known that his getting better was a preamble to death, then I would have made time – postponed my exams, taken a leave of absence from work, camped at the hospital, spent every time I had talking to him, laughing with him and making him happy during the 2weeks we had him.


Had I known never solved anything I know but it’s a hard feeling to shake. I still cry every time I pass by the hospital or remember one of his jokes but they are not all sad tears because I know he was a good kid, with a big heart who was loved by many.

The point of this tirade is this

- Live life to the fullest
- Don’t take the people in your life for granted
- Love with all your heart
- Remember that every day is a gift.

Death might be the end for you here but you need to live a life worth remembering.