My Life In 2012

I had an epiphany.  

I was having lunch yesterday with my chubby and spanking new boyfriend when it came to me. You know those moments when everything just becomes clear and makes absolute sense. It wasn't what he said that led to the epiphany, but my plate of food. Go figure.  

The waiter brought in a plate of steak, shrimps,  chips and chicken and I stared at my plate wondering how on earth I was going to finish this mountain before me.  

As I looked longer at the plate the more differently I felt about the meal and the items on the plate. I felt my life and decisions of 2012 staring back at me. 2012 has been a year of mixed 'blessings'. At the point of experiencing these blessings, I thought my life was over, I felt that I had lost everything and the end was near. But I realised that you have to push past the voices that tell you to give up even without trying. I had ordered the meal based on the glowing recommendation of my boyfriend and here it was right in front of me and I didn't want it.  

Many times in life we go after stuff, people or jobs we envy from afar or have heard so much about that we are hell bent on getting them. We fail to do due diligence beforehand and ask ourselves the one important question, 'Do I really want this?' 'When I get this, will I still want it?'  

I am not a huge fan of shrimps, prawns I can live with. I can't stand them  because of their bulging black eyes that stare at me intently and make me feel guilty for eating them. They represent all the things I felt guilty about and wasn't comfortable doing but did anyway just because I wanted to save face and be cool. I did eat the shrimps to save face but cut off the head before eating - my way of assaging my guilt you can say.  

The  chips were spot on but you wouldn't call it value for money. They weren't exactly crunchy or crispy but they were manageable. There were times in 2012 I should've said, NO, put a lid on the trash I was handed; but I never said NO More and ended up eating and taking a lot of crap, all for the reason that I was being nice and avoiding confrontation. I ate the chips eventhough the menu said crispy chips.  

The steak was tasty but a battle to get through. Phew did I struggle. When I first looked at it, I was tempted to not even bother but I am sooooo happy I tried. It sure was tasty and I enjoyed every bite. Were I not in public and forming fine girl, I would have attacked the bones. Lol. There were things this year I almost didn't attempt because of fear of the unknown. If it looks scary and difficult then it probably is, at least that's what I always thought. This year I went through a door I was always too afraid to cross but I found out it wasn't as bad as I feared. Once I got through the initial inconvenience of the change, life went on as usual.  

Oh the chicken was heavenly. There is some joy in the taste of the familiar. Chicken, chicken crispy well spiced chicken. Lovely. In some ways my life was somewhat predictable in 2012, I revel in the familiar, the comfortable, the predictable. Yes I get yabbed alot about it but I don't much care for the side comments and yabs. The familiar is good, at least I'm known for something.  

As I rounded up the meal, overfed and gasping for breath from forcing the food down, it hit me. Life is a jumble of random events that often never make any sense at the start. There were many things I was so sure of at the beginning of 2012, hopes and dreams I thought would become my reality, things I held on so steadfastly but which somehow failed at the last lap. The truth is, life seldom turns out like we would all like it to. It just might appear like my heaped plate of shrimps, steak, chips and chicken which on first sight might appear like a culinary mess but upon sampling each item, prove to be more than we had hoped.  

I won't say 2012 was a blast or a spectacular year, but all in all, it was a year for growth, for new experiences, for seeing and appreciating the world, for embracing and valuing the power and bond of family and for new beginnings.  

Adieu 2012 and all my unfulfilled dreams, crushed hopes and heartbreaks; you will not be missed.

With open arms I embrace a new year and look ahead to 2013 with a peace and acceptance of what is to come; and for the first time in a long time, I feel no fear for the unknown.

Taylor Swift - Begin Again

The Voice

Yes I can, No you can't.
Yes I will, No you won't.

The continuous inward battle that goes on in the mind of the living. The constant push and pull to try harder, maintain the current pace or just give up.

These voices don't go away. They remain our constant companions all through our lives but the intensity of the voices vary based on our choices. The voice that wins over time often amplifiers its volume that it sometimes drowns out its opposer.

Every decision and action brings us in contact with the voices inside our head. The voice that tell us we can become much more than we see in our present or the one that says, this is as good as it gets - give up or accept.

The voice of reason as people call it, is often the safer option. Its the voice of self preservation and is always averse to risk taking. Don't get me wrong, the voice of reason has its uses and can get us out of tricky situations but it shouldn't become our default option.

The road of life is not paved of gold, it has its bumps along the way with its occasional potholes and possible ditches. Short of investing in a flying carpet, we will encounter these bumps. The question is, how will we be handle these obstacles when they come? Confront them or balk and shy away. The internal voice with the most power will more often make the decisions - but will that be the right decision?

To win in life we need the winning voice. The voice that tells you everyday you are a champion, you can do the impossible and that you are an unstoppable force. Believing that voice is a long term project that starts today. You need to school that voice and practice listening to it. For in you lies a latent champ waiting to be unleashed.

School the voice
Believe the voice
Act accordingly.

Ciao.

WHO ARE YOU REALLY MAD AT

Sometimes people act in a certain way and you wonder and can’t help thinking ‘Like seriously!!!’

A lot of people walk around with a lot of latent aggression boiling just beneath the surface waiting for the slightest provocation. Suppressed annoyances and transferred aggression is often the order of the day. Truth is, most of us do not realize we are acting out and sometimes do not bother to trace the root cause of our annoyances. Should we give ourselves a minute to think, we will often find out that particular incidents do not match our responses and reactions at the moment we act out.

I read an article that described this scenario; A man was walking on the street with his nine year old son and six year old daughter. The boy looked up and spoke to his father and the father got really pissed (presumably at what the boy said) and started yelling at the boy. You could see the boy was physically affected by the words his father was saying. As soon as his father stopped yelling, the boy turned round and hit his sister.

Shocking right? Not entirely. That story is an example of how a number of us live our lives.
Upset with your boss, take it out on your subordinates.
Upset with your wife, yell at your kids.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s ok and healthy to vent but direct it to the right source.
Quit substituting and repressing your annoyance.
Quit instinctive responses. If you are the receiving end, pause and realize that you are a substitute. This realization often releases you from feeling upset.

It’s a vicious cycle of transferred aggression and the sooner we all took time to pause before reacting and ask ourselves, ‘Is person (A) a punching bag for person (B) who I’m truly upset with?’, we will curb this cycle of negative energy that can be detrimental in the long run.

Break the chain.