My Dear James

It’s been a while we spoke, it’s not that I didn’t want to write nor could I find the time to but the truth is, it’s hard.

Everyone walks around trying desperately to avoid mentioning you. I want to be angry with them but I can’t blame them cos talking about you is hard.

I still imagine you’re in med school away for the longest of times and dream of the conversations we would have when you get back. Then I wake up; and it’s hard to stay awake cos I still want to go back to sleep and talk to you.

I made some bad decisions this year and I’m so sure you would have talked me out of every single one. You were my conscience, the voice that curbed my excesses and always talked me down from whatever ledge I was standing on. I want to blame you for my bad decisions but it’s hard to do that.

The memories are fading and no matter how hard I try I can’t hold on to them. It’s like with each year some memory disappears and I can’t seem to separate the imagined from reality. Remembering is hard but the fear of forgetting is harder.

One thing I can’t forget is your love for music. I listen to the songs you loved and imagine us singing together, I can hear your distinct tenor. Remember ‘So Far Away’ by Staind? No one gets why I cry whenever I’m singing your songs, even though they are upbeat rock songs. They don’t understand that your songs are the last connections I have to you.

I dedicate this to you on the anniversary of your death. Sleep well my sweet brother for you will always be in my heart. No matter how hard it is to remember, I will never forget. 

Those bastards will rot in hell for depriving you of a full life.

Love always. Your big sis.

The Question Of The Child

A couple of friends were discussing the subject of love, marriage and commitment the other day and an interesting debate ensued.

Where I come from marriage is the ultimate achievement for a woman. Us unwed ladies are looked down on and pitied for not being fortunate enough to be married. You can hear it in conversations over your head "Poor you, still not married, she most definitely is doing something wrong to still be single after all this time". Hello! I'm still in the room for Christ's sake, shish!!!

So where was I? Yes, marriage as the ultimate achievement. The crowning glory of a woman is her husband and the jewelry in her crown are her children. Yes, I do agree that children are just adorable. This brings me to the crux of the debate; children seize to be the jewel in the crown when the lady is unwed. The question being why.

An unwed lady, we can condone but when she has kids in tow, it limits her possibilities of finding a Mr. Right to live happily ever after with. I once knew a guy who said he would marry a single mother with a female child but not a male child, his reason being he and his wife must share only one first son and that son must be his. Hmmmm, didn't get the logic then and still don't get it now. 

The realities that prospective single mothers have to tackle upon discovering they are with child are numerous

1.      What will my family say? - There is always the situation of being disowned and thrown out of the house by strict parents who can't stand the disgrace.

2.   What will people say? - The stigmatization of single mothers by their 'friends' is better imagined. People do have bad mouth and tend to wag a considerable amount of negative comments. The society automatically labels the lady promiscuous and wayward.

3.      Who will marry me? - There are a limited number of men who are modern enough to accept another man's child as his. And sometimes those 'modern' men act out when married to these 'promiscuous' women.

It’s not an easy decision, to keep or not to keep, that’s the question. 

As the debate drew to a noisy close, the floor was divided. Some were of the opinion that any lady who found herself in such a situation should suffer the consequences of their actions and endure punishment of life as a single mom with the possibility of no prince charming ever gracing your doorsteps. Reasons: 1) Abortion is a sin. 2) Screw society, you’re old enough to live through the stigma. 3) A man will eventually come, so fear not.

While a smaller number believed abortion was the only solution. Reason: A mistake had already been made why complicate your life even further? 

A lone voice maintained this position, "You don't know what you're capable of until you're faced with a tough decision.  Your decision can swing anywhere so be cautious about spewing boastful opinions and convictions".

 

I have to agree with her point of view and remain on the fence on this one.

What do you think?