Doing The Two-Step

 

Being in a relationship is like doing a 2-step dance; it requires a little give and a little go. Standing still would mean you get stepped on a lot and moving out of tune would probably see you slip, slide or worse, fall.

With each dance comes its sets of rules - the right posture and stance, the number of counts preceding a movement, the direction and movement of the hips and arms - the list is endless; and just like dance, relationships are governed by its own sets of rules. 

Each partner has a role to play in ensuring every move is executed flawlessly and no one leaves the dance floor injured. 

Women expect to be wooed and pampered while men are naturally inclined to lead and pursue, the same applies to dance, the man must lead.

The Role of The Man

On the dance floor, he’s in charge. He leads by gently nudging his partner to move where and how he wants. His subtle cues set the tone and pace of the dance. His touch is respectful and he makes it a point to avoid causing injuries to his partner.

The Role of The Woman

There’s a saying in the military ‘Obey the last command’ and for the lady on the dance floor, the onus is upon her to follow, no matter what. Wrestling power from the man isn’t an option however trust is a necessity when she steps into the arms of her partner. She needs to be attentive to the gentle nudges from her partner and know what each cue means.

The Role of Music

Just like dance, each relationship is tuned to a particular rhythm and both partners must be willing to dance to the music.

Music determines the pace and style. Partners must choose and agree on the music and style beforehand; it is imperative that the genre of the song and the dance itself be in sync. It can be problematic when the music is suited for a waltz and one partner wants to salsa all the way. Agreement creates an enabling environment for the execution of a harmonized and enjoyable dance routine. 

Each relationship must appreciate and respect its peculiarities and adapt the dance step to its rhythm. 

Remember, being the best dance team requires constant practice; it takes work to produce the synchronized routine.

Now We're In A Relationship

Women love definitions, we love to put labels on everything so it sits right. We want to know where we stand in our relationships with the opposite sex so we read meanings into everything. Things just don't happen; every event and conversation is inadvertently linked. Or so we think.

We go with a guy to a wedding and automatically we see ourselves as his girlfriend. He invites us for a service at his church and we start wondering if he's just parading us to the sisters in church as a sign for them to keep off. We go for a family function, to which he has invited all his friends and we jump to the conclusion that he wants us to meet his family. Laughable right!

The mind of a woman. Navigating this treacherous minefield is an exercise in futility. You never come out alive so why bother. Trust me; you don’t know the half of what goes on in our minds.

Here I thought that women were a rare breed. We were special because of our antics and our skills in making mountains out of molehills; our ability to use tears and sometimes blackmail to get what we want out of each other and our men. This belief was firmly shattered by my new found Prince Charming. I never knew Princes read meanings into everything!!!

An accidental broadcast inviting my contacts for a church event awoke the sleeping attentions of my Prince turned Stalker. He automatically assumed I was coming around to his advances.

"So when are you picking me up and which service are we going for 7am or 9am?"
Say what? "I'm not going anywhere with you" was my immediate response.

And so began my back and forth discussion at 3.30am on a Sunday morning. He sure knows how to pick the wrong time to start a conversation.

This was not his first attempt to get me to go to church with him. Every time I said No to his ‘marriage proposal’ he always countered it with "Let’s go to church together, to show you I’m serious”. I didn’t know going to church together, for a guy, was a sign in the dating world for serious contenders.

"I've always said we should go to church together and finally you've invited me, why are you taking it back? Or you don't want to go with me because you're going with someone else? Why are you treating me so? Why is your heart closed? Remember, I don't have a car so I'll be waiting for your call."

"Dude, it was a broadcast, sent to all my contacts. Quit deluding yourself and go to bed".

He finally hung up when he realized I stopped responding and snored loudly into the phone.

"I’m going for a naming ceremony, please come with me. I’ve told all my friends about you and I want to introduce you to them". Sometimes I wonder if I should learn his language so as to communicate better my disinterest in ever going anywhere with him or my utter distain and disrespect for him and all that he stands for.

But seriously, who came up with this rule that going to church together makes you a couple? Or going for occasions automatically makes you a prime candidate for a relationship let alone marriage. If anyone has seen that rule book kindly scan some pages as evidence.

For a lady, running off tangent and reading meanings into everything, is mildly acceptable just because of the way we are wired; but this attitude from a dude, it’s totally unacceptable and reeks of desperation.

Please correct me if I'm wrong.