In All Honesty

“Your boyfriend is cheating on you and using you for your money”.
I got slapped. And called a home wrecker.

Yep that’s what I got for my honesty.

We live in a world where honesty is a little overrated. No one wants to hear the truth anymore even if it’s staring them in the face.

I read somewhere today that people appreciate honesty. Tell that to the person who bruised my cheek (Ouch). In my opinion, deep down, people appreciate honesty but often times interpret honesty as criticism especially when they know you are actually speaking the truth. No one likes to be wrong which further makes honesty uncomfortable to swallow.

What then is the right way to be honest? Is there really an appropriate honesty filter or process that can be followed step by step so as to elicit the ‘right’ response of acceptance, non-violence or slight? If you do have such a mode, I would be happy to watch you deliver honest truths and observe as the chips fall where they may.
My new policy is to bite my tongue and keep my comments and honest opinions to myself. I know he’s cheating on you – I pretend I didn’t see him; she’s toying with your emotions – I have no opinion on your relationship; I have no say in your matter but I can offer a shoulder to cry on if and when things fall apart.

In the minds of some I might not be a good friend but I have learnt from experience that as much as we advocate honesty we really don’t want to hear it.

I was once in an ‘honest’ relationship. We agreed to tell each other everything no matter what but when push came to shove honesty became the beginning of the end. He cheated and grudgingly but honestly came clean and I was fine. I kissed someone else and also came clean but I never heard the end of it.

You see, honesty in theory is a fantastic concept but the application thereof is something else entirely. We are humans wired differently from experiences that have shaped our lives. So honesty to each person is relative to his/her defense mechanism – all my opinion though.

Proverbs 27:9 says the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense, the word friend also is relative.

In dispensing honest truths, motives or perceived motives are also examined. As with the slap I received from telling my friend the home truth, my motives were misinterpreted.

I know my friend believed me but as many other people, she chose to hold on desperately to the lie that had become her reality. I should have realized that and let things be as my honesty was going to deny her the pseudo-happiness she enjoyed. Honesty in this case would be stating the very obvious.
Henceforth, I’d keep my mouth shut and let time do the unveiling. Time would also do the healing.

Be Grateful

I’ve been reading and hearing a lot about gratitude. All the materials sound alike.

- Everything happens for a reason
- Appreciate the things you have now in anticipation of the things you want
- Smile
- Consider others
- Being thankful now opens doors

It goes on and on about being thankful but no one talks about how difficult, this seemingly easy attitude is. As humans we are naturally programmed to whine about the things that didn’t go right, the things that should’ve been ours and the things we want but cannot afford or have. It’s easier to remember the missing elements than to appreciate the things we have that are right before our eyes. They always seem to be insignificant or we just take them for granted.

In all honesty, as much as I want to focus on the things I have now I can’t help but be a little peeved about the things I don’t yet have. That significant career move I have dreamed of for so long; or that jeep glittering in the sun; or the hot intelligent guy that’s gaga for me (LOL) etcetera and so forth. But daily I strive to be a little more content and appreciative of the things I do have as opposed to the things I don’t yet have.

I was thinking today about the little things that we take for granted and it struck me that it’s the little ‘unimportant’ things that we have that we should be abundantly grateful for.

I woke up this morning at 5.15am, swung my leg off the bed put on my exercise gear and sweated it out for 30minutes. Took a shower, dressed up after trying 3 different outfits, got into my car and drove to work hassle free while I shook my head pitifully at the poor motor owners who were pulled over by Policemen, LASTMA and Road Safety officials respectively. I got to work ahead of resumption time - no stress, not wahala, no fuss. I have it good I must say, compared to some people but yet I find some reason to complain.

What’s my point, you might be asking? My point is, someone else did not wake up this morning or woke up and discovered she couldn’t move. I have heard stories and seen a few also of people who died on their way to work – crushed underneath the tyre of a trailer, people who because of LASTMA got to work late today and got a query and salary deduction. Someone who does not have a closet full of cloths and deciding what to wear to work is a no brainer.

In church last night someone shared a testimony about her mum who was in an accident but survived with scars on her face while the other passenger died. I think the lady who died would’ve welcomed the option of living with a scarred face instead of death.

I am a complainer, a worrier, prone to anxiety attacks just because I need things to go well. I am learning everyday to appreciate the little things, the gift of life, the value of friendships and the bond of family. In the end, it’s the small stuff that really matters.

So when you feel that whine creeping up your lips, shove it back down and instead, focus on the things you do have – you are alive and that should count for something.

Be grateful. It could’ve been worse.

Forgiveness

I say I forgave but I ask myself now, did I really?

If forgiveness is setting the person who wronged and hurt you free then why I do I still feel pain when I remember? I am plagued with this question as I am not sure if I am practicing true Christianity.

I want to forgive, I want to move on, I want to forget and I want to live pain free. But when will that happen?

What’s the gestation period? How do I know I am finally free?

I stumbled on some new information about things I was lied to about and I find I do not know how to react. I still feel pain and a fleeting moment of regret, and a certain wistful sadness when flashbacks come at the most unwanted moments.

I forgave and I make it a duty to say it out loud every day. Am I just trying to convince myself or have I finally and forever let it go?

I am confused.

THE SKY FELL AND I LOVED THE VIEW

I have always been a fan of the James Bond franchise. I don't mean to brag but I believe I have seen almost all the released bond movies.

They have all been fantastic movies.

Of all the Bond men, my top 3 memorable actors would be
Roger Moore
Sean Connery
Pierce Brosnan

They all brought some level of sex appeal, adventure and intrigue to the role and the movie as a whole. When Daniel Craig took over the Bond character, I withdraw from the entire Bond high or addiction if you would call it that.

When Casino Royale was released, I didn't bother clamoring for a seat in the cinemas; I had seen the previews and wasn’t particularly thrilled. I took my sweet time and got someone to pay for the ticket (I can be cheap, I know) because I wasn't going to waste my cash on something I wasn’t entirely sure of the eventual outcome. I didn't enjoy the movie; not after this response ‘Do I look like I give a damn’ when he was asked if he wanted his martini shaken or stirred moments after a poker game.

I'm not prejudiced against him; I did give him the benefit of doubt to redeem himself a second time but he failed miserably. I was at the premiere of Quantum of Solace and it was honestly all I could do not to fall asleep during the movie. Gone was the sexy minx of a man I had associated with the character, the savvy action god with cool gadgets and a calm demeanor. In his place was a stone-faced man with one expression for the duration of the movie, and that expression was not sexy, sweet, teasing or appealing. I waited to hear that one line that was a signature with the bond men - Martini, shaken not stirred - but it was nowhere to be found or in this case heard. Imagine my disappointment, again.

When Skyfall hit the cinemas I was again skeptical. Will this be another hit and miss with me?

As luck would have it, this time around, I didn't have to pay to watch the movie at the cinema and I also when the buzz had died down. We were less than 15 in the hall which was perfect - no distractions or side comments. The movie had my full concentration.

The opening was catchy, loved it. Theme song by Adele, loved it and love her too.

Judi Dench as always was fantastic. You could feel her frustrations especially when she had to use a swear word here and there in the movie. The storyline was built around her so she got a lot of screen time this time around. Her choices during her career as M was on scrutiny - uneasy lies the head that wears the crown. Her past came back to bite her in the ass and took some casualties.

Javier Bardem played the villain of the movie and I must say his acting was phenomenal. His character was totally sick and twisted upstairs, his portrayal was believable. You could feel and sometimes understand his motives for being so bad-ass - at least I did. He felt wronged, abandoned and used. Imagine being captured, tortured and still upholding the code of silence, then you swallow cyanide and death still doesn't come, only to find out that you were deliberately sacrificed by MI6 (your boss!!). I assure you, you’ll not only be pissed but you’ll also long for revenge. Pain and suffering does strange things to the mind.

Daniel Craig, hmmm, same old story. Hard-faced acting, no gadget, no Martini but this time I liked him. Maybe it was the storyline, the fact that he almost died after being shot by Moneypenny at the beginning of the movie, his being out of shape and unfit for duty but still fighting and struggling to prove he still 'gat' it. All these little elements came together to make him seem humane and I finally appreciated a James Bond without ‘exploding pens’ as the new and younger Q put it.

There was no prominent bond girl; I would have loved to see a sex goddess because Moneypenny didn’t do it for me.

The movie was driven by the pure acting skills of each actor, all of whom pulled their weight. There weren't any moments when you found yourself distracted from the movie, it was engaging from beginning to end. Although it ran a little long and all the ladies who have portrayed Moneypenny have been white, I didn't have much to complain about the movie, and that's saying a lot considering I watched it at 10pm and I didn't sleep a wink for the whole movie.

Kudos to the bond franchise as Skyfall marked the 23rd movie in bond history. It currently holds 92% on the rotten tomatoes movie site and that says a lot - those guys are stingy with their praise.

To end my ramblings, Skyfall is fantastic, doesn't call up the memorable elements of the old bond classics but it has an interesting storyline. I eagerly await Daniel Craig’s transformation into a sexy beast that I can swoon over but till then I will soak up every bond movie Pierce Brosnan ever starred in, that should keep me going till another bond is signed to replace Craig.