Adious, Sayanara, Au Revoir

I hate goodbyes.

They always leave you with an empty feeling on your insides. at that instant your mind flashes back to all saved memories you have shared with that person - its the equivalent of your life flashing before your eyes. The good, the bad and the ugly all rolled up into one moment.

Its a bitter sweet feeling because as much as you will miss that person it is all for the good that they have to live - a damned if you do damned if you don't moment. There's a certain sadness attributed to some goodbyes cos in most cases you have that strong sense that this will be the last time you will see, be close, be familiar with this person. Its a sinking feeling that all you have are memories, that with time will fade or be eroded by this play called LIFE.

I hate goodbyes.

They say 20 friends cannot play together for 20 years; that may be true but when the play ends all 20 of them wish the games could have continued. When the numbers become 2 left on the playing field, the absence of the lost 18 become obvious. You may be saying to yourself, change the game or the field but the truth is memories were created on that field and within that game, its easier said than done.

We all meet to part and part to meet again someday, my prayer is that when we do meet again that it be for the better, that the memories remain and should we part once more sometime in the future, that it still leaves us with a bitter sweet feeling cos then we will know that we have really made an impact on the others' life.

Goodbyes suck but I say it anyway, Goodbye and Goodluck.

Dance And Drop It Like Its HOOOOT

Dance is a type of art that generally involves movement of the body, usually rhythmic and to music.

From the definition, it’s easy to assume that this ‘art’ requires minimal movements and it’s just pure fun. Wrong!!! For the professionals maybe, but it’s a bitter sweet feeling I’m assuming. It’s not pure uninhabited fun but there is some pleasure in the pain.

I have however developed a new found respect for dancers, boy do they have a lot of energy and have high thresholds for pain. When I watch music videos, ballets or Broadway musicals, I often salute the performances, critic whatever flaw I see and move on. Quite recently, I have had the opportunity to participate in some dance aerobics and I assure you it’s not walk in the park.

When I first heard about Shaun T’s Rockin’ Body and Hip Hop Abs, I rolled my eyes and said “Here we go again. Another one”. How in God’s name will dancing solve the problem? I have always believed in the use of the gym or serious minded aerobics and kick boxing routines; that’s where the real workout happens. But boy was I breathless, sweating from head to toe and experiencing pains in parts of my body I didn’t know could feel pain.

The moves stretch you and you have a live audience cheering you on – talk about motivation. I honestly doubted my dancing capabilities till I tried it out. I drop it like its hot everyday disco and hip hop style. Who said losing weight couldn’t be fun. LOL.

Kudos to our dancers out there – professional or otherwise – you guys do put in a lot of work and the finished product is always fantastic.

My Mind Is Connected To My Mouth

I read this article today and realized I was a victim of some of the 6 thoughts that derail the mind. No wonder I am often always anxious. You can view the article here

http://www.youbeauty.com/mind/negative-thoughts?utm_source=outbrain&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=OutBrain%2BCPC&utm_term=Six-Thoughts-That-Can-Derail-Your-Mood

Key points though are:

Focus on the negative will make you gloss over the good. It’s easy to remember the bad, gloom and doom.
Making mountains out of molehills will always leave you in a bind. Blowing things out of proportion (also known as “catastrophizing”) can really get you down.
The world is not black and white, there are a lot of greys (my boyfriend says this a lot). Quit boxing yourself into a corner; there are never just 2 extreme opposing solutions to a problem, there’s always a grey alternative – think.
Control freak/micro-manager, let go of the controls just a little. This is a trust issue, I know, but it has to be done.
The battle between what you should do and what you want to do. Please yourself ever so often, you will be the happier for it.
Always feel like you have something to prove? That’s an exhausting life my friend. Take it easy. You can’t always be right. Nobody likes a know-it-all cos last time we checked, you weren’t Google. Lol

This got me thinking about how often I find myself in bad moods just by letting something tiny get to me, by over analyzing, assuming or just being fixated on something or the other. When I get like that I reach for food.

Yes, I am an emotional eater. It’s a badge, an identity; try as I might, I haven’t been able to shake off.

- Upset, I eat
- Fatigued, I eat
- Stressed, I eat
- Emotionally worked up, I eat

I know I shouldn’t eat whatever I’m putting in my mouth at that moment but I just can’t help myself. What I know and what I do at those instances is always at variance with each other. It’s no wonder I’m chubby. But I digress.

Been doing some soul search and reading up on the whole problem of emotional eating and made some discoveries about triggers of this habit.

Stress often times brings about cravings, according to the article I read stress stimulates the ‘stress hormone’ known as cortisol. High levels of cortisol can create cravings for salty and sweet foods.

Anxiety also known as nervous energy is a trigger I am very familiar with. This plays out by way of nail biting, teeth grinding or just being orally fidgety. Truth be told, I do not possess ladylike nails anymore. I have attempted to grow them out a few times by even fixing my nails but ended up eating the artificial nail when I got into a nervous fit. Yeah, that bad.

When I feel bad I eat and for me it’s my way of stuffing the pain or hurt. So, each bite of whatever if pushing down the pain so I don’t have to deal with it. I focus on the junk food I’m eating savoring every bite. Being stuffed is the aim here; the more you eat, the better you feel and you have something else to divert your annoyance to and feel bad about – the excess calories you just consumed that you will now have to torture out of your system. Food has taken the focus off of anger, resentment, fear and or anxiety. It’s a coping mechanism.

Growing up, food was often used as a reward for good behavior or good grades. Sweets, cakes and generally junk food were always handy as treats. Till date I still reward myself with a treat for good behavior. Let’s say I hit a target weight, I reward myself with ice-cream and cake because I was disciplined with my deprivation strategy. Bad move I know, but there’s no fun in rewarding yourself with carrots or health food, the bad stuff is sometimes an excellent motivator.

When I’m in a bad mood or I swing moods, I reach for food, it is my source of stability at those points but the truth is that they are not as satisfying until you are stuffed and bursting at the seams.

In The Land of Mine Enemy

Ever feel uncertain about the people who surround you? Suspicious about their comments, mannerisms, and body language? They smile with their mouths but their eyes hold just the tiniest hints of coldness? And these people are ‘supposed’ to be your friends. If you hadn't realized it yet, let me be the first to tell you that you are surrounded by backstabbers, liars and killers. Yes, I said KILLERS' and its use is deliberate.

When you know someone doesn’t like you, it's easy to label them appropriately, limit interactions and do your part in living peaceably with them as is required by law and Christianity. But in the situation where you have an enemy posing as a friend, well, you’re closer to your death hence my use of the word KILLER.

A friend by definition is someone who knows you, a confidante, an ally or pillar. We all want to be surrounded by our 'people', a crop of individuals we can rest assured have our backs at all times. A lovely notion believe me but in the question is, in reality do these types of individuals exist and if they do, do they reside within the sphere of 'our people' (friends).

AESOP says “We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction” this is true in instances where enemies masquerade as friends. As a friend they have access to your life and your secrets. They know what makes you tick and they know your habits.

Who then is an enemy? The dictionary defines it as “One who feels hatred towards, intends injury to, or opposes the interests of another; a foe”. In simple terms, it is someone who does not have your interest at heart, someone who without the slightest provocations would wish you and harbor ill thoughts towards you. If the shoe fits ...

I, like most people, have had the ill fortune of having such people as ‘friends’ it was also unfortunate that I found out too late as I had been overly exposed in my disposition towards them. You are overcome with a sadness when this reality dawns on you; there’s a stabbing pain in your chest and the threat of tears – this is however dependent on the level of friendship.

Having enemies or people who do not like you is not dependent on how nice or likable you are, the slightest things can be picked on as a reason to hate or dislike you. Your niceness can be misconstrued and become the cause of animosity between individuals. So I agree with Ivan Panin who said ‘However bad a man, he will have some friends: however good, he will have some enemies’. But I would rather my enemies showed their true colors as against them masquerading as wolves in sheep clothing.

But who are we kidding really, there is no true eternal friend. Before you shoot me, look at it this way, a slighted friend is a potential enemy. Who when offended can and in most cases speak against you or use whatever they know against you. Its human nature, we tend to lash out, however minimal, at those we love when they have hurt us. Just a little revenge, that little voice inside us says. So I tend to agree with Kurt Cobain

A friend is nothing but a known enemy.